psychobabble

Oooh. I should write more. The lament of a universe of bloggers I'm sure.

I don't think I've fully mentioned it on here, but I'm unemployed. Yup - lost my job two weeks before Christmas. Shitty timing, no? So, I'm fighting back in my own way, and hopefully there will be some justice. Or, if not, hopefully it stresses the ex-employer out like he stressed me out.

Job hunting while unemployed is interesting - it's easier for sure - there's less 'work' in the way, but I find time is slippery when you're unemployed. Yesterday for example - the time slipped away and I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted to. I did however get a tae-bo tape in and showered, so I'm not in full recluse mode yet. I just find it off that all of a sudden I've lost 6 hours and have made no headway in my search for employment. I also create 'rules' for myself. Like I need to get so and so done before I can do something fun like crafting or watching TV or playing Xbox. And then I procrastinate, not meeting my goal and not getting my reward. It's like this self-reward-punishment thing going on.

I've also been thinking more about the essence of self-esteem. While self awareness is important, I think self esteem falls on either divide of self awareness. I'm betting that makes no sense. Let me explain. With zero self-awareness, it's easy to believe one is great or not great - you don't know about yourself and therefore what you think is reality (by extension, that's true in general for our whole existence, but hold on). With self awareness, we understand how we affect and are affected by the environment around us. We understand ourselves better and with that our good and bad traits. I think it's this knowledge that provides us with true self esteem - because through understanding comes affection and (without sounding too self-love-hippy like) it's easier to be confident in oneself when you generally like and understand who you are. Does that psychobabble make sense? Maybe - I'm no psychologist. At the end of the day, I think treating yourself well comes out of being self aware and valuing yourself. Something I know I need to work on.